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Heaven Help Her. Bethany Church is an angel sent to Earth to keep dark forces at bay. Falling in love was never part of her mission, but the bond between Beth and her mortal boyfriend, Xavier Woods, is undeniably strong. But what he asks of her will destroy her, and quite possibly, her loved ones, as well. The story that Alexandra Adornetto built in her New York Times - bestselling debut, Halo , comes alive in action-packed and unexpected ways, as angels battle demons, and the power of love is put to the test.

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Other Editions Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Hades , please sign up. Is this book as bad as 'Halo'? Tarra All of it is shite, don't waste your time Emily I thought that Hades was better than Halo, but still not great.

If you're looking for good literature, you'll be disappointed, but I read it after …more I thought that Hades was better than Halo, but still not great. If you're looking for good literature, you'll be disappointed, but I read it after finals week when my brain was burnt out and I didn't feel like thinking about anything and it was alright under those circumstances.

There are some really cringe-worthy sentences though, just like in Halo. And yes there's a cliff-hanger. See all 5 questions about Hades…. Lists with This Book. Community Reviews.

Showing Rating details. Sort order. Apr 11, Cait rated it did not like it. I'm going to start of this review with Story time! You may or may not get injured and some very severe scolding will follow. I also begrudgingly give this book 1. One day, when I was about 8 or so, my family and I made our yearly trip up to Mackinac Island, Michigan. My family and I always go a couple times around the island over the course of the day, and let's just say I've never been one of the most Pretty much a disaster waiting to happen.

Everyone knows that once you get anywhere between the ages of a weird combination comes into play. Essentially, this is where you get criminally annoying and your parents want to spank your ass like there's no tomorrow. I, at that ripe and annoying age, decided I needed to lead the family through town because if anyone else did it, we'd end up lost and fall into the lake.

Now, I thought I was an amazing and highly responsible leader and repeatedly checked back to make sure that my family was following, and it was during one of those times that a five year old boy, chasing a ball, ran right out in front of me and I pretty much plowed over the little guy.

This, for me, was Halo. Except I was the boy chasing the ball, also known as the pretty cover of Halo, and Adornetto was me on that bike, and she just rammed right into me with the horribleness of that book as soon as I opened to the front page. But oh I wasn't done that day and neither was Adornetto. After a firm scolding from my parents, I dropped back into the middle of my little family pack and tried to watch where I was going.

My parents still blame me for this second accident, but I honestly don't think that this one was my fault. There's a rest stop right around one of the corners of the cliffside on the island, and we planned to stop there for a break. We just get around the corner and; well, my brakes on my old bike were pieces of shit, so I looked down to plant my feet on the ground so I'd stop and as soon as I did, I biked my way right into a lady's ass. Adornetto tried to change it up by " listening" if you could even say that to our advice, but she still ended up with a fail of a book and we still get fucked as readers, and people who ride bikes still get fucked up by me on accident.

Since I started my Halo review with Bethany, I"m going to follow suit here and begin with the royal pain in the ass Bethany again. I'm going to cut to the chase here and say this: I already said that? Well, I'm going to say it again.

Adornetto, in this book, after reading the reaction from people about how stupid we all thought she was in Halo, tries to increase Bethany's brain capacity like that's even remotely possible but she just ends up coming across as an even more stupid prick. Thinly veiled as Bethany's thoughts and words, Adornetto keeps on arguing and arguing with us about their relationship; like that she's actually got an IQ and that she can be strong and capable with quotes like this: I never see you apart.

Actually do something about it. And where the hell is Adornetto living? Nobody has said "bling" or "homies" for years now, and trust me if they still do, it's not on MTV.

And don't even get me started on Huggie Bear. That has not and never will be a cute nickname. If anything, it reminds me more of a different kind of bear Huggie Bear pedobear Since we're on the topic of the pedo Xavier, again this book is centered around that looove can seemingly do everything, and Bethany's obsessiveness over said love.

No, Bethany, just no. Love can do many things, but there still are limits. Like your spirit can't manifest and become real just by looking at your hubby. You've got to have something else drive your damn story besides love, and I'm not really sorry to say that Hades doesn't. At all. You know you have problems when you believe that the best thing that's happened since Jake's death, even better than tripling your local church's numbers which should be like a fat man getting free doughnuts to an angel , is that you and Xavier have grown even closer and you guys are now able to synchronize your steps.

I'll let the beloved Dwight Schrute wrap this up for me: Ahhhh dearest Dwight I love you. Even with my enormous amount of adoration of you I will still continue to eat and drink in your honor. And Bethany, even with all of her posturing, is still a giant idiot!

You don't even have to go 30 pages into the book to figure that out when she uses a fucking Ouija board. Oh nononononononono Adornetto. I don't care if this is a fictional story or not; there are still certain rules that still always will apply, and one of those being: I cannot even stand the thought of that and to have it written in a story that actually got published is Is this the kind of shit that we're letting get published these days while other undiscovered authors with amazing works are getting denied?!

It's just despicable and quite sad, really. She also has little to no sense of self-preservation whatsoever, or any kind of wits: I could feel it. Every celestial instinct warned me that we needed to get out of here.

I found a weeping willow in the front yard and leaned against its sturdy trunk. If every celestial bone in your body is telling you to get the fuck out of there, what would you do? Yeah, I would, too, but Bethany here decides to go lean against a tree? How, in any, way, shape, or form, is this running? It's not like if you go to a race you hear this: Ready, set, now everyone go find a tree and stand by it, quick!!

Then there was the whole scene with Jake being able to kidnap Bethany. I mean, how gullible can one person truly be? A boy with whom you have never spoken to before suddenly rides up on a motorcycle and claims that your boyfriend just got drunk and did something totally crazy both of which you know he'd never do and isn't breathing,is happy about seeing you in pain, and says you've got to go with him now; which you accept.

Then he drives away from the lake and you see Xavier on the side of the road, and he looks perfectly fine, but a horrible look crosses over his face, and you still don't turn around to look at the mysterious guy behind you. Xavier yells at you to get off, you realize you can't and you still don't turn around. You only decide to do the smart thing and turn around to see who it is when the guy speaks and lookie there; it's Jake! And you know what? Nothing bad really ever happens to Bethany throughout the whole book.

Sure, she's kidnapped, but she gets to live in a 5-star hotel with servants and she still technically "sees" her family almost every day. Yes, she's sentenced to death, but the flames part and never actually touch her. She's put in a cell afterwards, but she only has to stay for two measly days and is then again back in the opulence of the hotel. Oh, but then you think, Jake's actually going to have sex with her, right? But, no, she gets saved in the nick of time and gets to go back home and graduate.

There's so many good things happening here I think I might puke.

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I just wanted even the tiniest bit of character development from her due to a hardship or some kind of calamity happening, but I got absolutely nothing. Everything just has to work out perfectly for little miss perfect-pants, and I just couldn't stand it at all. She shouldn't always get to go home and have a happily ever after in every damn book! Dwight, sum it up for me, will ya? For now Just like a book that I had read previously, and also reviewed with a great amount of fury, Passion , Adornetto severely fucked up Lucifer.

Where Kate's was just a fail in making him look scary, Adornetto's is a total fail through and through. Here's how she described him: He held an ivory-topped cane that he tapped softly on the cement floor His skin was tanned and leathery and his eyes were a pellucid blue but devoid of any expression. He was immaculately groomed and wore his silver hair tied back loosely with a gilded clasp. Fear me; for I make people fat! And get this: Big Daddy. You know you're in a sorry state when you get one-upped by Bethany and you can't even kill her royal annoyingness who practically does it herself almost every day.

He probably should have just left her alone with herself and she would have done the job by the end of the day. Adornetto's writing is; once again, horrible. The info-dumps in the first ten pages alone are so gut-wrenchingly awful that if you didn't quit then and there, hell, you deserve a silver star.

And they continue through the whole book and slows down the flow so much it's like trying to walk through molasses. She also frequently forgets her writing and either contradicts herself or repeats something that she said only a mere sentence ago: The room itself was empty except for an iron bedstead pushed up against a grimy window. You already told us that the windows were grimy, so why tell us yet again with this specific window; why even mention it at all?

If she hadn't mentioned it at all, the sentence would have been fine, but she always has to ruin it somehow, now doesn't she? She does it again about ten pages later when Jake's got her on the motorcycle. She goes on for about two paragraphs about how she can't die and that she can survive Armageddon, any natural disaster, etc. Why didn't you do it?!

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You'll fucking live! You literally cannot die as long as you and your idiot brain is contaminating walking the earth! Stop being a pussy and just do it! I know that this is partly Adornetto's and her editor's fault for not catching the contradiction, but it shouldn't have even been a problem in the first place. Bethany should have done whatever it took to get off of that motorcycle, but instead she just sat there and passed out.

Also, for someone who says she doesn't like writing about dark topics; she certainly did it quite a bit in this book. There were exorcisms, pits of hell with flaying, beating, and burning people alive, weird erotic pain, and all-around dark topics. She just really loves to contradict herself, doesn't she? And don't even get me started on this whole Gabriel and Molly mess.

I'm sorry, Adornetto, but making Gabriel fall in love with someone, that's crossing a major line with me. Whatever Bethany is a lower rank greeter angel so I guess falling in love is But to have one of the highest arch-angels out there fall in love with a hormonal, idiotic, 18 year old girl didn't work for me before this book and definitely isn't going to work for me now.

If it continues This is how it went warning this is a little long because the book is so damn long: I love you Xavier: I love you Bethany: I don't know Everyone else: Mysterious boy: Die, Xavier!

Well, because the one exorcism scene was actually well written, so if you want one nice scene, read a ton of shit and you'll get one. I'm done with this book now with this review being done, and if I ever pick this book up again, so help me God somebody slap me.

I wash my hands of this book. View all 79 comments. Aug 22, John Egbert rated it did not like it Recommends it for: Before reading Hades How can you trick someone into getting on a motorcycle? Either they get on, or they don't get on.

Motorcycles aren't like cars. And what does angel Bethany want with a motorcycle anyway? Or, I'm assuming she can. Who knows, maybe Halo angels are just so lame they can't even use their wings to fly. Hey Bethany. Why don't you get in my van on my motorcycle? I'll give you a lift B Before reading Hades How can you trick someone into getting on a motorcycle? No wayz. I have And kitties! I'm going to rip this to shreds with my razor teeth!

It sounds so bad I cannot resist. After reading Hades Warning: Because I won't explain who all of the characters are inbetween my rage outs. The main character. Her boring ass boyfriend. Jake Thorn: The Prince of Hell You notice how light and joking I was in my pre-review? Notice how I was poking fun at Bethie, notice how I was So, I will rant on random things. Not a single freaking page goes by without this neurotic, raging bitch insult courtesy of Hana Joy: D preaching to us about something or the other.

Here are a few examples of Allie dearest reaching her nasty author hand through the pages: Her version of Hell The way she describes the inhabitants of hell. Miniskirts, piercings, chains, black nail polish -- generally goth. We all know how Christian and conservative Allie dearest is, so it's obvious why she would choose to condemn these things -- they just don't fit in with her idea of what's "moral" and "perfect".

Her lectures on sex While reading that entire part I was essentially doing this: In Kira's review, which is much, much better than this one and you should in fact read it NOW she says " Bethany is viciously devoid of conscience. You'd think she'd be "all soul", as Xavier once said BARF but in fact she's completely devoid of any kind of compassion. She lets Jake bleed to death and die before her, she leaves her friends to rot in Hell literally , and she says, and I quote, "The purpose of sex is to create life.

You want me to go there? This is a disgraceful thing to write. Who the fuck green-lighted this shit? Someone needs to be fired for this. I'm not even kidding. About two weeks ago, a teenager who featured on Youtube as a strong advocate of the It Gets Better campaign killed himself.

He had been so viciously bullied and isolated because of his sexuality that he chose to end his own life. He was so utterly crushed by misery, shame and loneliness that he committed suicide. He was little more than a child. This comment advertising sex as a way to procreate and nothing more is a violation of so many people's beliefs and lifestyles, and is a complete disgrace in every sense of the word. Not only does it completely exclude homosexuality and indirectly condemn it, but it also reverts back to this fabricated idea of "virginity".

Homosexuality is in no way wrong, it is in no way unnatural, and condemning it borders on a violation of human rights. Quebec had it down when they said, "The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation. Sure, I had read Kira's review before throwing myself into the pit of shit and vomit that is alternatively known as Hades, but reading the quote in context provided with everything else makes me want to hurt myself.

That, that doesn't even count the heaps of other sex lecturing. It's fucking disgusting how obsessed Allie is with this. She is a teenager still, right? I don't know and I don't give a fuck. And this: Gross little bitch What else did I want to rant about? Oh ya. Bethany is so stupid. So yeah, I have an ebook copy of this utter vomit and shit, right?

That's bad, very bad, because as long as we're in Bethie's head every few sentences I have the urge to throw the book against the wall with a satisfying thud. So I would end up doing this: Which would suck, seeing as how I only gots one computer, yeah.

Asia is Jake's bitch, basically. Also, from what I remember she is one of the only minorities in the book, if not the only minority, someone can correct me on this if they want. How is she portrayed? Well, even though she's supposed to be a snide, evil bitch and slut? I actually quite liked her.

She acknowledged Bethany as the stupid, disgusting, waste of space she was, see this quote: I gave the woman a closer look and remembered her instantly as the tattooed barmaid from Pride.

She gave me a fleeting glance this time as if my presence were too immaterial to take up any more of her time. I agree with her. Bethany doesn't deserve anyone's time. She's a gross, nasty, hideous waste of space and she should be burned on the stake, cut in half, erased from this universe forever and ever. Also, Asia gets jealous that Jake likes Bethany more than her. So you're the head bitch of hell with your psuedo boyfriend, and then some sniveling preachy brat shows up and snatches your honey's attention.

Oh, yeah, tell me you wouldn't be bitter. But we're supposed to see Asia as a jealous, evil, bitch. That's great. That's just fucking fantastic. Way to go Allie dear. But you wanna know something? Anything else? Well, there's Xavier. He annoys the shit out of me. And Jake is an asshole, as well as a rapist, but once again he's a demon so you know.

That's rather accurate for Jake.

How could I forget? Xavier and Bethie's relationship. It is co-dependent, unhealthy, obsessive, weird, and just NO. How can you write something like this and portray it as being positive? Another reason why I want to punch Allie in the face, or at least strap her into a chair and viciously re-educate her. It was funny how the goofiest behavior could feel perfectly natural when you were in love.

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Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier. My one true love. The light of my life. My pain was so all consuming that I hardly cared where Jake was taking me to or what horrors awaited.

Had enough? I think so. I know if I type anymore about this shit I will vomit all over my computer, shorting it out. Is there something else? Oh yeah! The book was so boring, so annoying, so rage inducing, it was so terrible. Top Causes of Death: Oh, and there's one more thing I wanted to mention One more thing What was it It's on the tip of my tongue I remember now!

It was They say Adornetto can call her books anything she wants. They say Adornetto can do anything she wants. To that I say this: Guess what? I added this section just because of you, you blithering bleeding dolts! So here I will say it: That got really aggressive at the end there, actually. Well this whole review has actually been really aggressive. That is the end of my review. Because I can and I feel like it. Everyone that reads this review should rate Hades 1 star, don't care if you have read the book or not, the rating on this pile of shit and vomit is too fucking high and we as human beings need to do something about this.

If you want to you can even read the book to write a bad review of it, which I encourage, this needs as many bad reviews as it can get, seriously. But do not buy the book, Jesus Fucking Christ do not buy the book please.

Pirate this thing. Do not waste your money. View all comments. Jun 18, Rebecca rated it liked it. Oh come on girls it is a book about romance and that is why we buy them. If you want to good read, non-fiction is the way to go. Stop complaining about how the writer did this or didn't do that.

You brought these books because it is a girl meets boy with a bit of action with it end of story. View all 14 comments. Aug 13, Sadia rated it did not like it Shelves: So I wonder if I've ever told you people how much I love making lists.

I spend hours on my things to do and other random lists. Here's one I'm sharing with you. I decided I couldn't wait forever to write a review on here. Or get a life, whatever comes first. Growing a pair might help too. Attempt 2: Oh I know! Lets see how the story goes. Once upon a time, 3 great angels descended from the heavens, each bringing a gift to mankind No, no, no. That is all wrong. There were these three angels, the elder one liked cooking, the middle one liked partying, the little one made everyone's life miserable.

Oh wait, I think I got my 80 year old neighbors confused with these characters. Attempt 3 "He was just as breathtakingly beautiful as ever.

His tie hung loose and his blazer was slung casually over one shoulder. I should go get some burritos too. Attempt 6 "His face was open and friendly. I was pleased to see that Gabriel was more relaxed these days. I tell you! Isn't he divine! View all 13 comments.

Jun 16, Dinjolina marked it as avoid Shelves: Do you know what Hades is? Let me wikipedia you: Hades English pronunciation: What does it have to do with Christianity? The previous book was an insult to believers all over the world for sure, because we read about sissy lame angels that had no point. But now Dear Author So I said Christian believers could be horrified by this whole mess.

But I was not being church orientated or anything. My point was something else so I will re-phrase The book is an insult to people that like angels. Because her angels are these spineless creatures that i want to pluck like mindless chickens that they are. View all 52 comments. You then voice this opinion, only to be shot down by fans who tell you either to stick your head where the sun doesn't shine, or: But I persevered and fell in love with it.

Catching Fire was, in my opinion, better than The Hunger Games. Every series has its weak points and strong points, and it's glorious when you find just what you're looking for from whatever you're trying to get into. But I have not seen any praise for the sequel to Halo , Alexandra Adornetto's magnum opus about these powerful angels plus one Mary-Sue tagalong who should have rightfully been shipped off somewhere in more desperate need than a small Southern US town with decreasing church attendance and precisely ONE demon lurking around.

Yeah, book one was bad enough. But will you believe me if I tell you that book two is actually worse? First of all, Bethany and Xavier are even stupider than they were before. Their relationship is not romantic. It's almost like a robot wrote this, programmed to believe that: Humans call each other pet names like 'Huggie Bear'; they make unfunny jokes with each other; and sometimes couples seem to be bonded at the hip. Admittedly, I give credit to Adornetto for at least getting her minor characters to pull Bethany away from Xavier for 5 minutes to tell her that their relationship is unhealthy.

The rare moments of clarity in this book were quite refreshing. The main event of the first act of the book is a party that all the dumb teenagers who seem to speak like they're way younger than 18 are arranging for Halloween, in a creepy old mansion. Bethany is unsure of going, but decides to tag along to please Xavier, as well as her female friends who are guilt-tripping her for spending too much time with Xavier.

Bethany tries to chicken out several times, but each time she's guilt-tripped back into it, because the silly cow doesn't want to be labelled a 'buzz-kill'. For those of you who don't know Jake Thorn, he's supposed to be one of the princes of Hell, but Bethany defeated him with the power of love in the previous book.

A demonic being of pure evil gets the same defeat as No Heart from the Care Bears cartoons. Oh, and it nearly breaks Bethany's heart in two when it's rumoured to be Xavier. Her darling boyfriend is actually alright, but she accepts a motorcycle ride from someone in the guise of one of Xavier's friends Who then reveals himself to be Jake Thorn. OH NO! Seriously, that's ALL she had to do. Just summon up some upper-body strength and wrench herself out of his grip. She's an angel, it's not like she's going to die if she lands on the asphalt.

I remember angels being able to heal themselves and others in the previous book, so basically, Bethany has doomed her own self.

After traversing through the murky nightclubs in the third circle of Hell playing tunes by LMFAO, I kid you not , Jake checks Bethany into the penthouse suite of a swanky hotel, with her very own maid. While in the hotel with Bethany, Jake continues to try to get into Bethany's pure white cotton panties, trying to be dastardly but failing.

He reveals he's obsessed with Bethany, and wants her to be the Queen of the Underworld with him. Jake darts about doing all these devilish things we aren't really privy to, but of course we've got to learn about Hanna. She's a young German girl damned to hell after being drafted into the Hitler Youth and working at a concentration camp, selling her life to Jake in exchange for her Jewish friend, who was in no fit state for hard labour, and who ended up dying anyway.

Yeah, um, let's just say that it isn't written as some kind of heartbreaking revelation. It's just a cheap 'hey something very sad happened to me', whilst Bethany whimpers about how sad it is.

Gabriel is an archangel and Ivy is a Seraphim. But it seems nothing can be done to save Bethany. There's no such thing as divine intervention. Apparently you must submit requests 6 weeks in advance and then give another 8 weeks for approval and then you can do something. Nah, it's not exactly 14 weeks of waiting around. I made that up, because it's never actually specified.

All that happens is that Xavier confronts Gabriel and Ivy about why they're doing nothing, and Gabriel and Ivy reply that there is nothing they can do until the powers that be give them the a-okay. Oh, seriously, just let Bethany burn. Don't go to all that trouble. Heck, later in the novel Xavier asks why the angels couldn't save Bethany earlier, to which they reply that they just had to wait for God to observe their faith and loyalty.

Since the book is written from a first-person perspective, how do we know what Ivy, Xavier and Gabriel are doing, considering Bethany is a dimension away from them?

Well, one of Jake's lackeys decides to show Beth this magical body of water she can go to that gives her the power to project herself into the world of the living.

She can't interact, but she can watch. Rather than split the narrative between the boy and the girl like Maggie Stiefvater's Shiver , let's have our main character observing what's going on. Well, anyway, these scenes are tedious and just drag on and on. Like so: Yes, after much thumb-twiddling by the Heavenly authorities, Michael comes in and it's all serious business.

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At least, it would be if Bethany stopped going on and on and on about people's physical features. Sorry to sidetrack, but it really does bug me how Adornetto almost never talks about anything other than the face, hair, or physique of her characters. Her females have blonde, brown, or 'titian' hair I'll let these quotes do the rest for me: Blond hair framed his sculpted face and his silver eyes gazed at her attentively.

Page His boyish beauty contrasted strangely with his marble-sculpted body. Page Xavier scraped his walnut-coloured hair away from his face. Page I remembered the moment I first saw Xavier sitting on the pier. He'd looked up at me, the light of the setting sun picking up the golden strands in his honey brown hair.

Page Xavier's hair had always been a soft shade of brown like honey or walnuts Page He was just as I remembered him, tall and broad shouldered with eyes of liquid blue. The honey-coloured strands of hair that fell across his forehead were still streaked with gold. Page Right now I feel like every two seconds I was reminded Xavier and Gabriel and Michael are gorgeous paragons of manhood with rippling muscles and sparkling eyes.

Yes, Adornetto. Of these things I am certain: Anyway, Michael comes and says that they have to go and consult a possessed nun in Tennessee. Xavier then says a really stupid line: The apocalypse means the deaths of billions of people, the total razing of the earth Also, during this road trip from Georgia to Tennessee, one of Bethany's friends is dragged along: Remember her? The idiot who thinks Africa is a country? She's still just as annoying to read, because she and Xavier bicker all the time.

This serves no purpose other than to pad the story out even further. You could stuff some bras, mattresses, pillows and duvets with how much stupid fluff there is in this novel. When Bethany wakes up back in the underworld, she's attended to by Asia, one of Jake's personal assistants. It's interesting here to see that Adornetto has clearly taken writing classes from P. It's either 'milky coffee' or 'milk chocolate'. Her hair is black and curly, 'like spun wool'.

Hey, Adornetto? I can imagine what characters look like without needing to be reminded all the time. Sorry, but it really does annoy me when characters are over-described. One of the golden rules of creative writing is to not assume that your audience are thicker than two planks, after all. Bethany goes clubbing with Jake, and here's where I kept getting annoyed. It's so clear to see that the author has very conservative Christian beliefs. Wearing make-up and clubbing gear is described in a very bad light.

And oh my goodness, what goes on in Hell's nightclubs would make the Pope cry! Bethany is SO upset by this that she wants to go back to her hotel room! Seriously, Hell has hotels and nightclubs. Just like the Sunset Strip, except for the odd public torture session. Bethany is currently residing in the third circle, so if you've read Dante Aligheri's Inferno , you'll know it's where gluttons are cursed to drown in muck for all eternity. I believe Aligheri is spinning in his grave now, especially when Adornetto described the ninth circle as the hottest, when actually, for the most part in Dante's Inferno , it's frozen.

Research FAIL. Going back to the hotel in disgrace, Bethany peeks around a conference room with an open door and sees Yeah, that's what the demons call Lucifer. She dresses him in a snappy white linen business suit and cowboy boots. Also, he gives Powerpoint presentations to the other demons on how they're going to bring about the Apocalypse. Heaven and Hell at least have one thing in common — bureaucracy!

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More of Adornetto's conservative views come into play here. Lucifer pretty much says that the earth is ripe for the taking because people are now doubting religion. I've taken a few Sociology and Religious Studies classes in my time, and while it is true that church attendance is decreasing, and post-modernists say we can pick and choose our religious beliefs just like walking down an aisle at a supermarket, religion does still exist in many people's lives.

It's not dying, a huge percentage of people are religious in some way. So this makes no sense. Shortly after, Bethany is asked to accompany Jake on a parade. Like an idiot, she shows off her angelic powers when she sees someone in need of help, and all the demons turn on her. Hooray for characters who are so kind that even the Care Bears would tell them to stop being so sentimental.

Lucifer gets wind of this rule-breaking, and like the school headmaster, demands Bethany be brought into his office so he can tell her off.

It's really hard for me to take the Lucifer in this novel seriously. He's called Big Daddy, wears a white suit with spangly cowboy boots Just like a rodeo performer.

Bethany and Jake are summoned into Principal Morning-Star's office, and while there he reveals that Bethany's capture was used to send a message to the Heavenly authorities: Oh no! Surely Heaven has to seriously pull their socks up now. One of their kind is being used to cause the death of billions! Or you could authorise the paperwork that means Bethany is no longer an angel. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Job done. But no, we get some more astral projection. Bethany finds her way into Xavier's bedroom.

Your priorities. Sort them out. What follows is a tedious sequence of events in which Molly tries to confess her undying love to Gabriel. Gabriel, being a jaded old archangel, isn't keen on the idea of falling in love with a human, so he rejects her. Back in the Underworld, Lucifer decides that a fitting torture for Bethany would be being burned at the stake.

But unfortunately, Heaven intervenes. Wait, the Heavenly powers can cast some kind of divine magic that stops Bethany being engulfed in flames into the bowels of Hell, but a rescue mission has to be waited on for God's approval?

Beth is then taken to prison and astral projects some more as Ivy, Gabriel, Xavier and Molly drive from Georgia into Tennessee. More bickering and purple prose describing the scenery follows.

They get to the nunnery and are greeted by Sister Faith ooh, I remember you from Timesplitters! This demonic possession subplot was so dragged out I was almost cheering when it was over. I don't need to know the characters are booking into a motel and eating fried chicken and confessing their feelings. Just get to the point. Go to the nunnery, find the nun who's possessed, get the information, cast it back into the pit.

But no, we have to wade through pages of this dreck. The angels extract the information they need: Bethany comes out of her projection and out of prison.

She then lets slip that she's been doing all this astral projection crap to Jake and naturally, he's angry with her. What follows is basically Jake being jealous of Xavier and trying to make him crash his car, including a very stupid scene in which Bethany's spirit uses the power of TRU LUV to merge with the radio waves so she can warn him.

She uses the power of true love again to manifest physically in the car with Jake and Xavier and to stop the car careening off the edge of a cliff. Aw, boo. Then Bethany's taken back to the Underworld, and from there it's just a rip-off of Phantom of the Opera.

Jake drags Bethany down into a dank cavern decorated with candles, rose petals, a bed with satin sheets, and even summons a gondola from a misty lake.

Jake offers Bethany a deal - if she has sex with him once, Xavier will never be harmed again. Bethany reluctantly agrees, but then goes into ranting mode. The purpose of sex is to create life. What if a man and a woman can't create life naturally due to infertility or genetic issues? What then? Are they supposed to remain celibate? And what about people in same sex relationships, huh?

Well, anyway, Bethany whines a little while longer, and then I heard Jake let out a vicious stream of curses right before the far wall exploded in an ear-splitting shower of dirt and stone, and a familiar Chevrolet Bel Air convertible plunged through the jagged hole.

The car seemed to soar through the air in slow motion as it ploughed into the cave and landed meters from us with a sound like a thunderclap. You just read that right. I am not making that up. Xavier's car just somehow burst through the wall. Deus ex automobilis. Jake is then soundly defeated, and Beth has to go quickly back to the portal with them because it's going to close soon! Just like Metroid. Well, Bethany leaves behind Hanna and Tuck, and some months later, she's graduating high school.

Xavier takes her to one side and proposes marriage. Between a human and an angel. He even tells her that the local priest has been informed and they can elope right away! Except you can't do that. Not in most countries, anyway. It's not that easy, Adornetto. It might be as simple as clicking 'propose marriage' on The Sims , but in real life there's paperwork and legalities to go through.

Just as Xavier makes this revelation and hands Bethany her engagement ring, the ground starts to tremble, almost as if the forces of Heaven itself are against this union. Guys, you're kind of being a bit selfish here. You could trigger the apocalypse Please, somebody remind me how Bethany hasn't lost her angel wings yet. She's doing all this things angels consider to be huge no-nos such as being lustful and selfish , yet manages to get away with it. God should punish her the same way he punished Alexiel in the manga Angel Sanctuary - encase her in ice and curse her soul to forever reincarnate into humans destined to lead miserable lives.

But no, Bethany's going to get married in the next book. That's a new track record. She knows Xavier for a year, and he proposes marriage? Even the Twilight books didn't move that fast! It's like the awfulness of this book was scripted, or something. Please tell me nobody uses that much purple prose, repeats character attributes or shitty dialogue in the real world.

Until I Die. Amy Plum. The Starcrossed Trilogy 1. Courtney Allison Moulton. The Hidden. Jessica Verday. Maggie Stiefvater. Die For Me. Brodi Ashton. Frost Kisses. Silver Frost. Unearthly Unearthly, Book 1. Sweet Reckoning. Wendy Higgins. Lost In Time. Melissa de la Cruz. Wings of the Wicked. Of Triton. Sweet Evil. Last Breath: The Morganville Vampires Book Rachel Caine.

Soul Seekers 3. Alyson Noel. Taken at Dusk. Awake at Dawn. Endlessly Paranormalcy, Book 3. If I Should Die. Whispers at Moonrise. Goddess Interrupted. Soul Seekers 1. Abandon 2. Meg Cabot. Aprilynne Pike. Of Poseidon. Shadows in the Silence. Hex Hall: Rachel Hawkins. Kristin Cast. Dreaming Awake. Gwen Hayes. The Goddess Test. Trylle Trilogy 3. Amanda Hocking. The Immortals 6. Falling Under. Carrier of the Mark.

Leigh Fallon. Sweet Peril.

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Strange Angels Volume 5. Lili St. Jessica Shirvington. Ghost House Ghost House, book 1. Alexandra Adornetto. The Shadow Thief. Von Gobstopper's Arcade. Haunted Ghost House, Book 2. The Lampo Circus.

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